Roles: the hats you wear

Vocabulary · 7

Role: A relationship that carries expectations. Father, husband, brother, Mason, officer, employee, neighbor. The list is rarely a single one; most men hold five to nine roles at any given time. Naming them in writing forces honest scope before goals are set.
Role conflict: When two or more roles demand the same limited resource (time, attention, money) at the same moment. A man's job needs him at a deadline; his son's school play is at 7:00. The conflict is real and frequent. Naming roles in advance gives you the language to choose which one takes the hit and how the other is repaid.
Role priority: The standing answer to "which role gets the limited resource when both can't be served." A man's stated priorities should match his lived priorities. When they don't, that's the data: the role he says is first isn't actually the one his Tuesday morning shows.
Whole-person model: Covey's four needs every man balances at once: physical (to live), mental (to learn), social/emotional (to love and be loved), spiritual (to leave a legacy). Each named role draws on one or more of these. Treating the four as a single system is what keeps any one of them from starving the other three.
Congruence: Alignment between roles and stated values. A man who values family and lists "father" first should not be planning for father last. Congruence is the test you apply after the list is written: do the hats line up with the lens you said you'd plan through?
Recursive role: A role that creates other roles. Being a Mason makes you a brother to every other Mason; being a husband makes you a father if children come; being an officer makes you a steward of the brothers in your charge. Recursive roles are the ones you usually under-plan because you didn't notice they were two roles in a trench coat.
Role-based weekly plan: Covey's recommended planning unit: a sheet that lists each role across the top, with two or three sharpening goals for the role for the week. Not a daily to-do list. Once roles have goals, daily tasks find themselves. The week is the right grain for this; the day is too short, the month is too long.

Sequences · 2

Listing your roles, the first pass

Covey's recommended starting exercise. Most men get to seven or eight before they slow down. Don't stop at the obvious ones.

Personal (you to yourself: caretaker of your own body, mind, and conscience).
Family (husband, father, son, brother by blood).
Work or vocation (employer, employee, partner, craftsman of a trade).
Craft (Brother, lodge member, officer or candidate for office, mentor).
Community (neighbor, citizen, member of a faith, volunteer).

Setting one sharpening goal per role for this week

After listing the roles, Covey asks you to pick one or two roles that need attention this week and write a single small goal for each. Not all roles at once; that's the trap.

Look at the role list. Which one feels under-fed right now?
Name one small thing that would move that role forward this week. Specific. One action.
Block a time on the calendar for it before you do anything else.
End the week with a brief honest check: did it happen? If not, what got in the way?

Practice questions · 6

What is a "role" in this chapter's working definition?
- a.A title at work
- b.A relationship with self or others that carries expectations ✓
- c.A goal you set for the year
- d.A position in the lodge line
What does Covey recommend as the planning unit, and at what grain?
- a.Daily task list at the day level
- b.Annual plan at the year level
- c.Role-based plan at the week level ✓
- d.Quarterly review at the month level
What are the four needs in Covey's whole-person model?
- a.Food, sleep, exercise, family
- b.Physical (to live), mental (to learn), social/emotional (to love and be loved), spiritual (to leave a legacy) ✓
- c.Income, savings, retirement, inheritance
- d.Mind, body, soul, fellowship
What is role conflict?
- a.A disagreement between two officers
- b.When two or more roles demand the same limited resource at the same moment ✓
- c.When a man dislikes one of his roles
- d.Conflicting bylaws between two lodges
What does "congruence" check, once roles have been listed?
- a.Whether the roles spell out a meaningful acronym
- b.Whether the listed roles match the values you said you'd plan through ✓
- c.Whether the roles are sorted alphabetically
- d.Whether all the roles are paid
What's a "recursive role"?
- a.A role you've held before
- b.A role that automatically creates other roles, like husband creating father, or Mason creating brother ✓
- c.A role that repeats every year
- d.A role you can delegate

Habit loop