Active Listening: seek first to understand

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• Evaluating, Probing, Advising, Interpreting, Ignoring — the five poor defaults

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• What happened, feelings, identity — all happening simultaneously

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• Aristotelian order: ethos, pathos, logos — character, connection, logic

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• Listen with intent to understand, not to reply; then earn the right to be understood

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• Voss's tactical empathy: repeat key words; name the emotion you hear

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